From the moment I could remember, I always obsessed about food and weight. It all started when I was a little girl, and I grew increasingly aware of my body and how I stood out from the rest of my peers. I was bigger in height and frame than most at my age. My family were very health conscious, and only shopped at Whole Foods. As a child, I was very active and free, but I always had a weird obsession with food. Sweets were my biggest craving, and I always listened to it.
When I was eight years old, my parents had a very messy divorce, while we were in Utah. It was a difficult time for everyone, especially my mother and I. My father cheated on my mom for years on end, while continuously deceiving my mom. He made a big mistake that had cost my family dynamic. We ended up having to come home earlier than expected from the trip. At that time, I was too young to comprehend what was happening and why my dad suddenly moved out of the house. I felt as if he abandoned my family, and I had no control over it. Soon after that, my eating became my sense of control. I binged everyday, multiple times a day, in order to feel in control again. This became my new obsession, up until the age of 12.
It is not easy being a young, vulnerable overweight girl and losing all your friends to an eating disorder. No one thought I was sick, and everyone thought I could control my actions. It got so out of control that my dad took me to weight watchers at 10 years old. While I was in the program, I still binged everyday and gained loads of weight. Each week my dad would shame me and tell me how I wasted his money. It was so much more complicated than just following a meal plan. Eventually, the shame of being so overweight, switching schools six different times in order to be accepted, and bullied constantly no matter what, brought me to my breaking point.
At the age of 12, my dad got married to my step mom. The wedding was brutal, because I was obese and unhappy. The next day I went to sleep away camp, and got bullied once again. People were so brutal, and would constantly make fun of me for being fat. It all had to stop. I decided to lose weight as fast as I can. That summer, I became so desperate to feel accepted that I ate nothing but fruits and vegetables. By the end of two months, I lost 60 pounds. My parents were so thrilled, and I wanted to make them proud of me for once. It all spiraled out of control, yet again. I swung to the other end and restricted all of my calories. At first, people were so proud of me, but then things changed. I had hit my goal weight, but I couldn’t stop. My dad became suspicious about my eating. I had developed anorexia.
When I went back to my old school, people didn’t recognize me and I stopped getting bullied. It is sad to think that weight matters so much, over a person’s personality. I started to get more attention from guys, ironically the ones that had bullied me before. I wasn’t Interested in that, it only mattered to me that I became the thinnest in the room. When I turned 13, my parents put me into my first treatment center. I manipulated my team, my parents , and my sister to continue losing weight. Eventually, I went into my first inpatient residential. I stayed there for 6 weeks, and went back to php. I didn’t take it seriously at all, and only did what I needed to do in order to get out. I had started to experience some complications from my actions. My colon stopped working, and I barely could use the bathroom anymore. For a few years, I had to take medicine by the gallon, and would end up in hospitals in order to keep my bowels somewhat functioning. Eventually the medicine stopped working, and I had to get my colon removed when I was 15.
Recover for Yourself 